< > Alchemy for Dummies 2: THE SPENCER TUNICK CODE

Sunday, May 21, 2006


A small crowd of people followed the docent into the gallery. They were here to see the exhibit of the famed artist, Spencer Tunick. As they entered the dimly lit, almost gloomy room, except for the track lighting highlighting the works of the extremely controversial artist, a woman screamed "A body!" "Yes, madam" said the docent with a sneer, pointing to the wall-sized mural photo of hundreds of people "several bodies". "No !" she shrieked, "That body!" pointing , and the collapsing in a faint. The docent turned to see the nude body of an older bearded man, with a prominent belly, covered in red. He was in the vitruvian man position but with one arm pointed to a photo taken at the confluence of two mighty rivers in France. Beside him in red on the parquet floor was a number scrawled using the same red substance in which he was covered. A dozen cell phones had whipped out, but due to security measures in place in the gallery, none were working."Quick, go call the police and report the murder of this man-and the fainting of this woman." One of the men broke away and ran blindly to find a phone somewhere in the vast set of rooms that made up the Museum de Prestigious Modern Arte. But there were many winding halls and dead end passages, and it would be a while till he returned. Meanwhile an alarm sounded, though no one had tripped it , oddly enough. It was loud and ragged, like a mighty snore. Bringing up the rear of the group of people were a small family of three: Girac Stoneworker, Enaid his partner and model, and little Mylie, their nine-year old daughter. Mylie had run over to the body and stuck her finger in the red substance oozing over the body."Don't touch that, little girl!" shrieked the docent, "That is evidence of a crime which is so lurid it will rock the world of Contemporary Art" He always spoke of art in capitals.The little girl returned to her mother , sticking her finger in her mouth absent mindedly as she did so, saying "But Mum, isn't that .... "Yes, dear, but hush and let the docent speak.""Ladies and gentlemen, while we await the police I will unfold for you my theory of the crime and why it contains the secrets of The Spencer Tunick Code!

(Note to editor-insert quote here from Margaret Starbird about Marija Gimbutas finding the sacred "V" painted on cave walls, as lifted, um, borrowed, um cited as reference, from the book "Secrets of the Code" by Dan Burstein.)

The docent went on, rather loudly to be heard over the alarm, which seemed oddly ragged and occasionally growing louder then fainter.
"You can look at the various prints we have here in the gallery and see examples of Spencer's works showing the hidden male and female symbols , the Chalice and the Blade. Look at his clever use of perspective in "Cleveland 1" or "Barcelona" to show the "Chalice" or "V" while the very buildings themselves are the "Blade" And look at the "V" he formed of the nude women in Cleveland, carefully concealing the "Hidden Feminine". And what are they in front of? A ship, a vessel! And what is the symbolism of the cargo containers in Lyon? Yes, containers. Also standing for the ultimate vessel the ultimate container - The Holy Grail ! The Ultimate Vessel !Yes, ladies and gentlemen, and the hand of that body is pointing to the ultimate "Hidden Feminine" again at Lyon, "The Confluence", the sacred "V" or "Chalice". This man was killed trying to tell us a secret. Note the code number written in his own blood ! I am sure it will give us the key to the great secret of Contemporary Art, that Spencer Tunick is the new leader of the Priory of Scion!!!! At this Girac snorted, Enaid laughed behind her hand, and little Mylie just giggled and said "But mum, he's not.....'"Yes, dear, we know, but give the docent a minute more to talk"

At long last the man who had gone to fetch help returned. He'd been delayed by the winding, unmarked halls of the museum, and once had picked up a telephone, which only repeated back to him what he said into it. It took him a minute or two to realize it too was an exhibit. But now he came into the group, breathless, "The police are right behind me!" At this Girac said to Enaid and Mylie "We must act fast!" He went over to the body on the floor, unnoticed by the docent who was pointing to yet another image, and nudged it with his foot. Enaid leaned down and whispered something in the ear, and the body moved!! The body sat up, abruptly, and with the help of Enaid, Mylie, and Girac, began to dress in clothing scattered in the nearby shadows. The alarm, which was only a very loud snore, had stopped. Quickly the little band of four made their way to an emergency exit, pausing long enough for Girac to smudge the number on the floor, and for little Mylie to pick up a jar of the red substance. "Raspberry" she said happily to herself .The also heard the police enter, asking what was going on.
CHAPTER FOUR "So, daddy why didn't you tell them it was our friend Regor, who had fallen asleep after Spencer's last pose where he had covered us in raspberry jam?" "Because little one, the docent was a pompous art fraud who needed to be exposed. The police will want to know why they were called for a non murder. Let him tell them about his silly theories. Come on Regor, walk faster." And later out of earshot of Mylie and Regor, Enaid asked Girac "What was that number you smudged out by Regor? " "I think it was the phone number of that little German girl Regor was next to in the very last pose, and not having any paper and being very tired he used the only medium he had." "But why erase it?" "Because if Regor's wife, Steby, found out he had that number, he would be a dead body!" and they laughed and went on to join Regor and Mylie, eating raspberry jam.

The docent was arrested for making a false report and placed under observation for his bizarre ideations.
Girac, Enaid, Mylie, Regor and Steby went on to pose in many more Spencer Tunick photos, though Regor had some large bruises inflicted by Steby after she read this story and found out about the number anyway.
And Spencer Tunick who really might be the successor to Leonardo, just keeps on taking great images.
No animals were hurt in the making of this story, but the parquet floor was a total loss.

While based on real people, this story is fiction and should be treated as such, like the news releases from the White House, the Congressional Budget Report etc.


Blogger Big Orange said...

OOOOOh, that is PRICELESS, mah friend, PRICELESS! Oh, the imagery! Oh, the humanity! Oh, to be back in Cleveland eating cannolis under an awning in Little Italy! Oh for some wings from the Lizard or some BB's BBQ!! Oh, for the hashbrowns and panny-cakes at Michael's Diner in Station Square! Oh, for a time to sit and watch the fountains dance at Tower City!!

Uh... what the hell was I talking about?

OH! Spencer Tunick! The man who maketh us to lie down on cold cobblestones on the 9th St. pier as a yellow school bus turns down the street! Boy, what THEY musta' been thinking!!

This is just toooo GOOD, mah friend. I'm demanding that all my friends read this. Keep uppa' da good work!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Roger Coss said...

Indeed, read my account of Lyon here on my blog. Part One and Part Deux.;-) :-0

6:10 AM  
Blogger B said...

thanks for visiting my blog and inviting me to the forum. i joined.

and John Wyndham's The Chrysalids book has stuck with me since i read it as a child. oh and thanks for the poet tip.

1:08 PM  

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